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Posted by YummY! ::
7:14 PM ::
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
The Good News and the Bad News
As if you coudln't tell by the title, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
The good news is that some saint bought me a domain. I opened my email to a letter that started “Hey you. I did something today, hope it doesn't offend you.”
I was many things, but offended wasn’t one of them!!!
I don’t know how to work the damn thing, but I’m learning.
I’ve set up a new blog using WordPress, and am in the process of moving all the archives here over to there. That is tedious! I have A LOT of work to do with that cause the import function wont work, and I don’t even want to waste time figuring out why. Currently I’m at 11 of 179 posts!
After I get everything over there and a template up that I enjoy (the one there currently is just a placeholder to keep it from looking TOO drab while I move), THAT will be my blog, and yummydown.blogspot.com will be no more, and Yummydown.com will be officially born!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, if you want to see any of the old posts here without playing in the archives, visiting yummydown.com will probably let you see some of them.
The hard part is going to be getting it skinned like I want it. I’m not design savvy like Kittyn or Utopia, and it’s A LOT more complicated than a blogger skin. At least to me it is.
Meanwhile, while still floating on the high of the domain news yesterday, it was about 1am, and I went in to feed my rats. I usually feed them right before I go to bed.
When I turned the light on, Buddy didn’t come to the bars of his cage. I tapped on his bars and he sill didn’t come. I stood on my tip-toes and peeped into his house, and he wasn’t in it.
Oh shit, I though, Buddy has gotten out in the house!!!
He’s done that before, while he was still at the pet store. I took the cage down and was about to yell at Robert that he was out. “Oh shit,” I yelled, but before I could say “Buddy’s missing,” I saw him, curled around his food bowl, stiff and unmoving.
Instead of yelling, “Oh shit, Buddy’s missing” I yelled “Oh shit, Buddy’s dead.”
Then I burst into tears, and I’ve been crying off an on ever since. Even at work today.
I was sitting on the ribbon aisle, trying to shelve some ribbon, and thinking about finding Buddy, and how his eyes were still open, and a customer came up to me and asked where something was, and I just started crying, but was trying to hold it back, so my answer was kind of like, “Its *sob* over*sob* by*sob* the*sob* baskets*sob* in*sob* the*sob* back*snot snort*”
The customer looked horrified and said, “That’s okay, honey, I’ll find it” while holding her hands out toward me and backing away slowly like I was a dangerous animal.
I’m having a hard time with this death, because he wasn’t even SICK. I mean, day before yesterday he was acting the same as he had ever day of his life, then last night it was just *poof* and he was gone.
There’s where it sucks to have pet rats. They live such short little lives.
So, yesterday and the day before I was feeling horrid.
When I got home from work Friday, I cooked and ate supper, then felt bad, so I lay down and slept until a little after 8, then I got up and washed dishes and went back to bed. I felt like crap.
Saturday, Robert woke me up at 8am. He had planned to go play Putt-putt, then for us to go eat KFC before work.
We had coupons for the mini-golf, play from 9-5, as many holes as you want, and 12 free tokens to the arcade.
Well, we got there at 9 and find out the place doesn’t open until 10!!
Robert was angry.
I wanted to go back home. I felt bad.
Well, we went home, Robert wanted to play Mario Party, so I did. I still felt bad.
I asked him to let me stay home from work.
We went out to KFC for lunch. It was good, but after I ate it my tummy hurt REALLY badly. I wanted to go back home and go to bed. Again, I asked if I could stay home from work today.
Well, coming out of the parking lot, we got a flat. Robert called his dad. His dad took me to work. I worked all day with a tummy ache, feeling tired and weak and dizzy.
After work at 9pm we went grocery shopping. I put away the groceries, checked my e-mail and went to bed.
Today....Robert didn’t feel well. He told me he didn’t feel well.
“Aww, I’m sorry,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Now you know how I felt yesterday.”
He held out his arm. “I’m shaking,” he said, “and I feel like I’m going to pass out.”
“Poor thing.” I said, just as any concerned and caring wife would say. “You want to come to work with me today? It will be fun. You can help customers, climb some ladders, lift some heavy boxes.”
He just gave me a look.
“I feel REALLY bad” he said. Like he felt so much worse than I did yesterday.
Of course he does. I mean, he only caught it from me to begin with.
I bet if he still feels “really bad” tomorrow he’ll call in sick to work.
Meanwhile, today was one of THOSE days at work. Customers being fucktards. Me being pulled in 80 directions at once.
Not to mention, one of my friends was really emotionally hurt by her boyfriend of 2 years (who she lives with) and it made me want to go rip the guys nuts off and shove them down his throat before dousing him in gas and setting him on fire.
I don’t like it when my friends hurt, and she burst into tears several times today. And she’s a grown woman, not a teen or even a college student. A woman married several times with several children, not one that hurts easily.
Again I say, fucker!
At home tonight, exhausted, tired, an feeling a little queasy again, I tried to lay down and nap. Boomer wouldn’t leave me alone, so I got up and washed 2 days worth of dishes, then cooked supper.
I played online some, checked my e-mails, decided to blog. Added YummY! Down to several bloglistings.
After all, I want to be internet famous.
I’m very tired now, still queasy, feeling very weak and shaky. I think I’m going to bed soon. After all, I have to get up and go to work tomorrow...sick or not.
Oh, I almost forgot...I still need votes. Please, go to the SBC and tell them why I should stay on the island. DO NOT threaten the judge, just use your nice creative brain and come up with an undeniable reason why I should stay on the island.
Moo has groomed all the fur off her face, and Muffy ripped one of her ears off recently for reasons unknown to me.
This is Goldie. She is the only one of my mice who ever really friendled up to people. She doesn't LOVE people, but she tolerates being held.
And if Goldie is the sweetie, Muffy is the evil bitch. She hates people, and likes to pick fights with the other two. Usually the fights are not seious, except for the one where she ripped off Moo's ear.
Muffy is on the left, Moo on the right. You can tell the difference between a young, sassy, fat mouse and and older, OCD mouse.
And here, just because they refuse to be left out:
This post will possibly be very vulgar to some people. If vomit, eating diorders, self injury or cancer bothers you, you should stop reading now. If you think I'm an attention whoring drama queen, also stop reading now.
Something Utopia wrote the other day made me think of this. I started to blog about it, then changed my mind, and I started to write about it again, and changed my mind again.
I don't like writing about the gritty emotional parts of my life. I'm so afraid that people think I'm doing it to get attention, because I was raised in that atmosphere....if I show emotion I'm doing it to get attention.
But I know that I have several readers here who like it best when I keep it real, and will find this more interesting than my usual "this is what I did today" blog entries.
So, now I’m writing about it a third time, and if you’re actually reading it that means I didn’t change my mind again.
I suffer from Disordered Eating.
No, I’m not anorexic. I’m not bulimic. I don’t know what I am “officially”. I call it “Emotional Vomiting”
And, no, it has nothing to do with the blog in my blogroll by a similar name.
Since high school, whenever I’m over emotional, I have to vomit. I mean, I HAVE to vomit. If I have nothing in my tummy to puke out, I will eat something and THEN vomit.
And I’m talking full on binge eating, forcing EVERYTHING down my throat that I can, until I feel sicker, then going and puking it out.
Occasionally, when I have nothing in me already to vomit up, and can’t eat (in situations like work) then I end up doing other things...chewing on the inside of my mouth until its ragged and bleeding, ripping my hair out, slapping myself, slamming my head against the nearest wall until someone grabs me and pulls me away. (That was something else that my family also accused me of doing just to get attention.)
The vomiting keeps me from REALLY hurting myself.
So maybe its not Disordered Eating as much as it is a form of SI.
You know SI right? SI is when people who are unable to deal with their emotions physically hurt themselves, usually by cutting themselves.
I dont know anyone else who does this....vomits to help their emotions. I've tried to find support for it, but can't find anyone who understands. When its at its worst I tend to spend a lot of time in bulimia chat rooms becasue thats as close as I can come to someone who understands.
My dad has a meth addiction, my brother is on medication for hearing voices, and I'm try to vomit my pain away. We're a reall salt of the earth family, huh.
In the past 2 years, my emotional vomiting has gotten out of control. A lot of it is the unstable relationship I have with my husband. If not my husband, it’s the way my customers treat me, and my family, and total strangers.
Since around the Christmas rush at work, not a single day has gone by where I have not come home from work, eaten enough for 3 people, and promptly puked it up before taking a long hot bath, sometimes crying, sometimes screaming, sometimes as if nothing had just happened.
And sometimes, shit piles up so much that even the puking doesn’t make me feel any better.
Remember my aunt, the one where they found cancer on her liver? Well, now they’ve also found it in her lungs, her bone marrow, and her lymph nodes. They’re giving her months to live.
So, on Easter I plan to go visit my dying aunt.
And people wonder why I can be so ANGRY at god all the time.
Tonight I ate half a pizza, 2 large chicken breasts, drank a 2 litter of coke and vomited until nothing was coming up but bile and blood.
I don’t feel any better. No better at all.
My Emotional Vomiting to feel better isn’t working anymore.
Now, I don’t know what to do to make the hurting stop.
(Again, this isn’t a pity post. I don’t do pity posts, but my readers seem to enjoy when I get real and gritty about myself and my life...and it doesn’t get much grittier than trying to vomit my pain away.)
Posted by YummY! ::
8:14 PM ::
Tales of Lard Discrimination
Its fun to watch the number of subscribers in my feedburner go up and down, up and down, up and down. They love me. They love me! Oh, wait, they don’t love me anymore.
So, its Thursday. Thursday means I’m off work today. Oh joy. Oh rapture.
This morning we went to Target and I bought a pair of jeans with that $20 gift card I found in the road. I would have bought 2 pair of jeans, but the ONLY pair of jeans in the women’s section of Target that fit me was the one I bought.
I think I could sue, or something. An entire fucking department store, and only one pair of jeans in there for a fatass.
Its lard discrimination.
For fun I checked my visitor stats today.
Outside of the click exchanges, most of my visitors come here from the SBC or from Utopia.
The top 5 search keywords brining people to my site are:
1. Yummy down on this. 2. Take my panties down doctor 3. yummy blogspot 4. living room furniture for overweight people 5. Yummy.
Of course #2 is wrong, because if you read my post before I had to go to the eye doctor, you know how much I hate for doctors to take my panties down.
Now, for whoever was looking for living room furniture for overweight people I recommend a sofa, a coffee table, maybe a recliner and a love-seat or something. Those always worked for me. I don’t recommend bean-bags or anything inflatable.
Oh, and Webkittyn voted for me in the first Shitty Blog Survivor task.
So, there’s this contest, see, and I want to win it. That’s pretty simple, right?
Well, I have to do tasks. What tasks? Tasks that the contest host tells the contestants to do.
So, you guys need to do me a favor. You need to go to THIS PLACE HERE and tell them in a comment (comment by clicking the “no shit” button please) that YummY! sent you and that she needs to win because....
The more interesting and creative the comments of reasons why I should win, the better, so feel free to flex those muscles.
Please. Pretty please. Because you love me.
Posted by YummY! ::
9:06 PM ::
Here’s For You Kittyn
Webkittyn asked for more rat pictures. Ask and you shall receive. -grin- Just close your eyes and pretend you don’t see the person he’s sitting on.
I have to clean my rat cages either today or tomorrow, and I’ll try to get some pictures of the girls for you too, and maybe even my mice, but they’re hard to photograph because they do not sit still AT ALL!!
Meanwhile, its 12:30ish here and I’ll have to leave for work in about an hour.
Work sucks. I suppose you all know that though. At least those of you with jobs know that. I’d much rather stay home and do THIS all day.
I’m still trying to get used to wearing glasses as opposed to contacts. I wore them to work yesterday and was informed of something I already know. I mean, all day when one of my coworkers saw me in my glasses they would say, “Oh, you got glasses!” and I wanted to say...”Um...Yeah, I know, I was there when it happened.”
Also got a bit of a surprise yesterday. My aunt had come into Savannah to go to a scrapbooking store with her friend, and since they were in town they stopped by Michael’s to see me. I was on the clock though, and couldn’t really visit long, and I couldn’t really ask to take an early lunch because I had JUST gotten there. I asked her to stick around Savannah until my lunch time and take me out to eat, but she had to leave.
Robert bought me “Brokeback Mountain” yesterday, which I really wanted to see. I have to say it was a good concept, but a badly done movie. I blame the director. I’ve never really liked anything he’s directed.
Robert watched it with me and he was bored to death with it, but I have to give him credit, he stuck it out and watched the whole thing with me.
Posted by YummY! ::
9:47 AM ::
Monday, April 03, 2006
Repeat after me....Glasses are NOT the end of the world.
So, today was a LONG day, and I did a lot and I totally wasted my day off.
First, I got up early so that we could go to the bank.
At the bank we 1. Opened a second checking account solely for online purchases. And 2. Took $325 out of my savings account to pay for my glasses. That nearly wiped out my savings...and since my husband never give me any of my own money, there’s no way to rebuild it. -sigh-
After the bank, we went to the library, because its close. I checked out 4 books.
1. Confessions of a Teeage Drama Queen by Dyan Sheldon. 2. Water Marked by Helen Elaine Lee 3. Summerland by Michael Chabon and 4. In the Valley of the Shadow by Leonard Sanders
After the bank we went to pick up my glasses, thus making me officially a four eyed freak. I hate it. The glasses dull down the blue color of my eyes, and the only thing I’ve ever really liked about myself is the color of my eyes!
We came home after that, and my MIL said that she was going to go to the bank and the dollar tree and asked if I wanted to come. I, being a Dollar Tree junkie, said sure, even though I didn’t have any cash.
My MIL, who loves me more than my hubby, gave me some money and I bought some dog biscuits for the rats (and the dogs can have some too), some chocolate chip cookie mix, some gum, and a book. I don’t even remember the name of the book, and I’m too tired to get up and go look for it.
We then came home and ate lunch. She said she wanted to go to Michael’s and I said I’d go with her. She said, “Are you sure? Its your day off.” I told her I didn’t mind as long as I didn’t have to work, and plus if I was shopping with her I’d be able to get her my employee discount.
After Michael’s we went to Wild Birds Unlimited, which is in the same shopping center. Then went home again, and she gave me one of the things she had bought at Michael’s. It is a wall hanging made to look like daisies on a picket fence, and it had butterflies and ladybugs on it. When she bought it I didn’t know it was for me.
Then she told me that at 6 we would be going out to eat at Fire Mountain (an all you can eat buffet), her treat.
Told you she loved me.
After I ate much, much, much more than I should have, I came home and here I am. Wearing glasses, bloated from eating too much, and blogging.